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With my chronic and mental illnesses I have been through so many medications I don’t have a clue what they have done to my body. I moved states recently so I am off the main medication I took for my Lupus because I have yet to find a rheumatologist.  Don’t get me wrong the insurance “issues” here are much better than Florida, but you do have to jump through hoops to find a specialist. Luckily my Lupus is staying quiet, shhh……don’t wake the wolf.

I am very happy with the mental health specialists here. I see a counselor either biweekly or weekly and a doctor every month or so. My meds have been adjusted but my diagnosis have stayed the same, thankfully. It was like they just couldn’t get them straight in Florida.

Problem is all these medicines are poisonous. We all know that. Ever watch a medicine commercial on television? Listen to the side effects at the end.  They should just say “may the odds be in your favor”. I take medicines 7 times a day. That s a lot of poison. All of them cause sleepiness and so does Lupus, so we go through a ton of coffee through the week. Oh and the other side effects.  You like to go to the bathroom (yeah I mean number 2)? Well forget about it. Not without drinking a bottle of those disgusting liquid laxatives.  Too much information? Try living it. The last medicine I was on I would take at 10 pm at night and then have to be woke up at 7 to take meds, then woke up  again at 9. Eventually I could wake up on my own but not happily. So I got approved for the next new med. All the rage. That was fun.

Since it is the new med it took a week to get approved. Guess who got to go through withdraws? Yep, you guessed it me. Did you know hallucinations suck?! Standing in bed in the middle of the night thinking something is in the bedroom with you. Yeah, I can do without that. Thank you doctor for not weaning me off properly so that wouldn’t happen.  Anyway, the new medication has helped and I am up between 4 and 6 in the morning, mostly due to when my 6 year old gets me up.

I was miserable without the medications. I am better with them. Just exhausted and sick and tired of swallowing pills.  Hopefully since my change of location and a supportive, protective and caring man in my life I can eventually get through all this and one day wean off some of the pills. Yes, I am aware that nothing I have is curable, but with love and support I can have a better quality of life and with the meds for now, have a longer life to live.

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