picme1So I realize I have not written in a while, but is that a surprise for someone who suffers from depression. No motivation! Besides I had surgery on my back this week and have been healing up and bored out of my ever loving mind!!!! This won’t be my typical blog. Just talking about me and what’s been going on….that’s all.

Today is the Super Bowl, blah. It is on in the other room right now and honestly I could give a crap. Sorry to anyone I offend but I tell it as it is. So I tried to practice drawing in my art journal. Realized quickly that I need to practice on the human face much more. Was playing around with color pencils since I usually use acrylics. I want to expand what I can do.

My doctor labeled me as permanently and totally disabled due to my mental illnesses. I’m not sure how to feel about it but I needed it done thanks to 38 thousand dollars I owe for student loans. The paper he filled out can help those be excused. I’m still waiting to hear something from Social Security on my claim of physical and mental disability. I hate to think of myself as “disabled”; there are so many places I want to go and so many things I want to do.  I know it doesn’t mean I can’t do these things, it just makes me feel guilty. Thing is I am disabled because I cannot work. Doesn’t mean I am helpless, just means I am unable to hold a job due to being sick all the time.

I dropped out of filing for bankruptcy. I couldn’t fly back and forth to Florida to sign paperwork. Now I am just hoping to get this student loan stuff straightened out so I can file for divorce and put my old life behind me.

I hear Lady Gaga in the background, hard not to be distracted. Good news is I don’t feel I have had any big ups or downs lately. Evidently I’ve still been irritable and cranky according to the boyfriend. Well try to get comfortable with a gash in your back. Actually getting irritable and cranky right now due to the noise. Think I am going to just go to bed. I hope everyone is doing fine and I promise my next writing won’t be such a bore. Everything will be ok.