Again, there has been a huge gap since last time I wrote anything. One of the symptoms of Depression is lack of motivation or desire to do things you enjoy.  I enjoy writing. So why am I not on here every day? It is not like I have anything better to do…..I just don’t “feel” like it.

Honestly I have been more depressed than average for the last month or more. I am just starting to feel a little better the last couple of days. Thank you Bipolar.  In fact the only reason I am writing now is my boyfriend is watching something stupid on television so I decided to come in the bedroom and drag out my computer.

So I did something stupid recently. Well let me back up. I changed a medicine and increased the dose within a few months which caused me a lot of weight gain. My psychologist said my BMI was normal and refused to change the fattening medicine because it is the “newest and best pill” out there for Bipolar.  Well I decided to quit taking it myself.

I know, very unwise but a bad habit people with Bipolar do. I wasn’t doing it because I felt better, but because I felt more depressed from gaining weight. After being off of the medicine for only 2 days I was a weeping mess. Needless to say my boyfriend was very much insistent on me restarting the pill and I did. So now I am just on a very low calorie diet hoping to lose weight that way. Seriously, who wants to go into the summer chubby?

I also got a new therapist. The Borderline Personality part of me began to freak out. Abandonment issues, trying to trust someone new. It was a bad situation but only in my head. She is great. She is very knowledgeable of all my conditions and is seeing me weekly. She has done more good in 2 sessions than my other one did in months.

Did you know that people with PTSD actually have changes in their brain that can be healed with therapy and support of loved ones? I didn’t have a clue. At least there is some hope in that case.  She is going to teach me some coping skills and than “write a narrative” of my trauma. That part scares me because I will be reliving everything that has happened to me in the past. She assures me that we won’t do that until my coping skills are mastered.

Well now you know what I have been up to the last month or so. Not a very educational or emotional post but maybe, just maybe this small post will motivate me to open this computer more often and get some work done.