I have always been on medications, lots of medications. Most of them were because I have Lupus, but the last year my mental health declined so most of the medications I am on are for it. A pill for depression, two mood stabilizers and two anxiety meds….yet I am no better off than I was a year ago.

Talking to my therapist a few days ago I brought this fact up. She wants to talk to my doctor about a new medication routine. Hopefully she has better luck than I did. When I mentioned my weight gain I was told “Your BMI is good and this is the best thing out there so I don’t want to change it.” When I told him the anxiety meds made me dizzy he said, “sit down.” Seriously, he said that.

Some of it is my fault, I admit. I didn’t tell him over the teleprompter (I hate that thing) that the meds just weren’t making any kind of difference in my overall mood. I am still depressed, I am still anxious, I am still a moody mess. I did tell my therapist though. I am better face to face.

So now I wait to see if they give me new medicines. I get to go through the new side effects while withdrawing from the old meds. Then what? Pray that they do their job. That the pills miraculously make my mental illness disappear? Yes I know that won’t happen but maybe they can come up with something that will help along with my weekly counseling. I just wish the doctors didn’t rely so heavily on pills, pills, pills.