model-2350563_640I’m at a loss. I seem to only feel negative feelings anymore. I go to therapy weekly. I take a pill for my Bipolar, a pill for Depression, and meds for Anxiety. Yet, I’m depressed, angry, irritable and anxious. I’m obsessed with my weight and the way I’m aging. Nothing seems to be working.

People tell me that I need to change situations around me. What do I change? I have no money nor do I own anything of any value. I have a supportive boyfriend who does everything for me, yet nothing makes me “happy.”  Do I blame it on my mental illness, chronic illness or my circumstances? This isn’t new. I’ve felt this misery for close to a year. It just seems to get worse no matter how hard I try.

I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to do. Like I said I go to therapy weekly and take my medication on a regular basis. I tell the doctor how I feel despite my mediations.  So why am I so miserable? I know I can’t be easy to be around. My boyfriend takes the brunt of my anger and irritability. I’ve lost interest in the things I use to love to do like writing and art. I am bored and depend on social media to keep me company. I don’t want to leave the house yet I don’t want to sit around either.

I know, I know, think positive.  I would love to. It is supposed to fix everything right? I just can’t seem to think that way if I feel the opposite. Some would say I am feeling sorry for myself. No, I’m just stating facts. I’m just stating the way I feel. I’m miserable. Negativity has infested my brain.